ALRIGHT, FOLKS! SO I PROMISED THAT I'D CONTINUE WITH MY PREVIOUS POST, AND TONIGHT IT LOOKS LIKE THE NIGHT TO DO JUST THAT! WHITE NICK IS A WHITE NICK OF HIS WORD, YOU KNOW... KEEP IN MIND, EVERYONE, POSTS OF YOUR OWN (CONTINUING ON WITH THE APPLICATION QUESTIONAIRE) WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. MIKE *INSERT STRANGE LAST NAME HERE* DID A NICE JOB WITH THIS IDEA, AND I'D LIKE TO SEE SOME MORE OF YOU JOIN IN ON THE FUN! "but what if my post isn't funny enough?" .... nobody is going to think that! HELL! NUMBERS MAKES POSTS THAT NOBODY EVEN UNDERSTANDS, MUCH LESS THINKS ARE FUNNY. "but i can't think of any other questions to describe a suitable replacement"... son, you need to step up the game. you've run out of funny things to remind yourself of our marry gang? two words, folks... ALEX DIABETES... .. ... .... honestly... let's try to pump it up here! try to remind yourself of the comedy that was, indeed, our everyday lives! did alex stop laughing when roman watched movies in alex's chair, in alex's room... while only wearing his "towel"?... HELL NO! HE PERSEVERED! did i stop writing when i wondered if i spelt persevere correctly??!? HELL NO! WHITE NICK CARES NOT FOR GRAMMAR! come to think of it... did i stop when i wondered if "spelt" was even a word!? YOU KNOW IT! I KEPT GOING... CAUSE THAT'S WHAT THE FUCK I DO! did justin stop laughing when the guys badgered him about his hot sister?!?! alright.. well eventually yes he did... but for awhile we had a pretty good gag going... AND SO, FOLKS! I'M BACK AT IT! HERE COMES THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF THE APPLICATION!


JERICHO

-have you ever been confused for the host of THE IRON CHEF?
-did you play lu kang in the mortal kombat movie?
-does hilary duff sing a song about you?
-will you finally beat justin in a game of smash, stand, and shout "BITCH!" at the top of your lungs? will this lead to a cartoon taped to the tv depicting the incident?
-will you have a hot, never before seen sister?
-i don't know how to word this in a question... but jericho's got this nack for sitting in the midst of a full blown argument/fight and never saying a word... never flinching... could you do that?
-jericho, freakin say something! christ....
-will you smash more than me? .. .... ... and NOT be asked to leave the school?


JUSTIN

-will you simultaneously represent three ethnicities?.. ... ... and still be confused for a mexican (the one thing you're not)?
-will you have fire pants?
-MUTTENCHOPS?
-http://crazytelemarketer.ytmnd.com/ ... this is something justin found.. could you find things like this?
-would you be willing to spend up to 8 hours on entensity.net?
-would you be willing to play online poker for 7 hours straight?


JOE (COFFEE JOE)

-i honestly saw joe once, get up, work on his computer for 5 minutes, then lay back down and fall asleep for 10 minutes... now, that's not the funny part... the thing is, he then repeated steps one through three 8 times... ... ... no joke... you think you could do that?
-will you work at starbucks? ... ... and come home high (literally) on caffeine?
-will you drink a gallon of coffee in three days? as well as 3-4 espresso shots a day?... seriously, this guy's brain must've been racked...
-let's here if for joe, man... that kid was cool... when he wasn't passed out from withdrawl...


MATT, POLITICAL ESQ.

-will you wikipedia everything? ... honestly...
-will you know a lot? ... ... about everything?... ... everyone?... ... .... ever?
-name the presidents in backwards alphabetical order... starting with filmore... (watch this one, guys... i GUARENTEE YOU HE'LL DO THIS AT SOME POINT)... ... (no seriously... he's starting it right now)
-can you climb matt-sticles?
-shout "QUEEN FIVE OFF SUIT!" really loud... let's just see how that sounds...
-when you speak of something that you have an opinion on, do you pace? cause that's not good enough... we need you to walk out of the room... then walk back in... that'll be your "pacing"...
-will you aspire to advertise a drink with the following slogan: "NOW WITH 25% LESS URINE!"?

ALRIGHT WELL I'M DONE, AGAIN... I'M SORRY IF THIS ONE DIDN'T LIVE UP TO THE STANDARDS SET BY THE ORIGINAL... BUT COME ON... ALEX AND ROMAN WERE IN THAT ONE... THAT'S TOUGH TO BEAT... ANYWAY, KEEP COMING UP WITH NEW ONES, EVERYONE! I'D LOVE TO SEE THEM!!! CONTINUATIONS ON THE FIRST INSTALLMENT OR THE SECOND... OR COME UP WITH APPLICATIONS FOR PEOPLE I HAVEN'T DONE YET... GOOD LUCK!

OH IT'S THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH! AND I GOT A BITCH WIT ME!! (threw that in for veens)
ALRIGHT EVERYONE.... IT'S NO NEW NEWS THAT SEVERAL OF OUR MERRY GANG, MYSELF INCLUDED, WILL NOT BE JOINING IN ON THE RUTGERS FUN NEXT YEAR. Indeed this is quite a tragedy: one that, although we shall indeed overcome, is a terrible setback. However, we must try not to mourn those whom we've lost... instead, let us try to help those with futures... those who have stayed in (their original) (four year) (respected) school. While we certainly DO NOT wish to "replace" the lost, i feel that, for the strength of the group, they (we) must be remembered. As such, i propose a solution. While we won't be there in person, i suggest that the remaining members of the group actively search for suitable replacements, or, as ASIAN would say.... dopplegangers. BUT, WHITE NICK... HOW CAN WE DO THAT?!?!?! easy, ravi... easy... AN APPLICATION QUESTIONAIRE!! and so! without further ado! here it is! (feel free to add!) (oh and while i'm at it, i'm just gonna make one for everyone)... (oh and this idea stemmed from a conversation alex and i had... gotta give mad props where da mad props is due)...

GOTTA START WITH ROMAN CAUSE I HAVE THE MOST STUFF FOR HIM:

- have you ever free-balled it?.. ... .. for a week?
- have you ever made brownies for your girlfriend, making sure to grease the pan?.... ... with two day old takeout grease?
-do you own a towel?
-have you ever bled on your bed sheet? ... ... and not cleaned it? ... and continued to use it? .. .... as a towel?
-have you ever worn your girlfriends shorts?... .... as boxers?.... and then returned them?...... without washing them?
-are you accustomed to leaving takeout trays on your desk? ... for weeks?.... **four weeks?
-will you father a manatee? ... .. a duck?... ... torpedo?


ASIAN

-can you make your way across the room? ..... in the air?.... ... propelled only by a fart?
-can you fart? ... .. to a rhythm?
-do you have tits?
-can you make them bounce?
-will you make them bounce?
-please make them bounce...
-can you be the most hated/loved smasher in the dorm?
-do you listen to the backstreet boys? .. .... ... at 3am?
-will you blast smooth R&B?. ... ... while your suitemate is making out with his girlfriend?
-will you try to barricade matt from coming in to use your computer?
-will you call these barricades "matt-sticles"?


RAVI (AKA "NUMBERS")

-will you be rich before you graduate?
-fuck you ravi
-will you have a facebook group devoted to your demise?
-will you be the only person in rutgers history to check out "THE THEORIES OF ANALYTICAL ACCOUNTING AS DISCUSSED BY THE PHOENICIANS OF THE LATE BABALONIAN WITH RESPECT TO THE DEMISE OF THE EARLY GRECO PERIOD OF THE BARTER SYSTEM" from the library?
-damn it, ravi...
-will you give me a well paying cushiony job when i'm floundering through my adulthood?
-i can wash toilets... i'm not above that...
-mother fucker... ...
-will you own and wear a gangster hat?
-will you wrestle alex?
-WILL YOU BE REALLY... REALLY... HONESTLY.. .OH MAN... HAIRY AS HELL?
-down with ravi


DAN "THE WASS" WASSINGTON

-will you grow a beard faster than matt's mom can suck justin's cock?
-will you be our "that guy"?
-will you sit in your room while we have a conversation in the living room... occasionally contributing without ever showing you face?
-what's with the beard?
-will you pull off the "hippie look" better than anybody i've ever known?
-will you suck dick at that computer game with the space ships and the army controlling and the other stuff?
-will you suck dick at rome: total war?
-will you suck dick? (who didn't see that coming?)


VEENS

-do you like trees?
-will you climb them?
-will you stay in them for hours? ... while throwing fruit?... .... at people?... ... people you don't know?
-can you grow a perfect pirate gotee? (i don't know how to spell that)
-why the hell didn't you keep that thing?
-will you ever ask out a girl?
-will you organize your room so that you'll never actually have to leave your bed? ... .. for anything... ANYTHING....
-will you have 85 healing items at the end of resident evil?... .. and still refuse to use them?... as well as all of those treasures?


MIKE

-will you have a ukranian name that i'll never actually be able to pronounce correctly?
-will you let me find out from somebody else that i've been pronouncing your name incorrectly this whole time?
-will you fix my computer before i actually knew something was wrong with it?
-will you type this sentence faster than it took to think of it?
-will you look half asleep? ... ... at all times?
-will you, no matter what the circumstance, always speak with the same, calm inflection
-mike i think i have a viru... oh you already fixed it?... ok nevermind... thanks...
-will you know twice as much about women as the rest of this group put together?


ALEX

-oh man i've been looking forward to this one...
-seriously... lol... god i don't even know where to start...
-HERE'S ONE...
-will you shout out "## **** *** ***** SHOT!!" in a public place? lmao...
-will you be the most socially awkward person in the dorm? lmao...
-you are fucking hilarious, man... seriously...
-lmao
-lol seriously i'm still laughing
-will you be responsible for half of the hilarious quotes/stories this dorm has?
-will you jerk off while playing resident evil for 4 days straight?... "leon is shooting zombies while i'm shooting... well... mostly blanks at that point"... hahahaha that's just an alex quote, don't worry sherlyn, it's not a true story...
-will you be so greek you sweat baklavah?



AND THAT'S IT FOLKS... THAT'S ALL I HAVE TIME FOR TONIGHT... PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ADD ON!!!... BE SURE TO, OBVIOUSLY, INCLUDE THE NAME OF THE PERSON TO BE REPLACED.

Today, I was washing some dishes at my new school residence, when Alex came in from watching TV in the adjacent room. He said, "hey, you're doing a nice job there" and I said, "Si senor." It was an inspired moment, and we had a good laugh about it.
Dan, Roman, Alex and I got together in Fairlawn to watch Everything Is Illuminated. Somehow it was a perfect movie for us to watch, because each one of us could find something in it. For me, it was about Ukraine, Jews, and my hometown of Odessa. For Roman, it was the breakdancing character with more than a passing resemblance to Ill Mitch. I think that Dan and Alex each appreciated the literary and stylistic aspects of the movie, since it is based on a novel and as Dan put it, relies heavily on visuals to tell the story.
We missed Veenz because he's in Massachusetts, and Ravi because he's working in London until the end of August. Alex recently spoke with Veenz and asked what his ambitions are for the rest of summer. Veenz delivered a list of half a dozen items, all of them involving food. I think it was Dan who pointed out that maybe Veenz has the new apartment's kitchen on his mind.
I saw Ravi a few nights before he left on business. We walked around a golf-course. This golf-course had these rotating cylinders shooting two streams of water in either direction, covering what must have been 30 feet. Ravi casually walked up to it and casually stepped over the two streams where they exit the cylinder. Very graceful. I followed in the same way.
Roman was kind and drove me home and Dan as well so that he could get to work at 4am. If I ever thought that Dan was a lazy guy, I retract that 10,000-fold. Roman has cold feet about school, but we all hope he'll get through that.
I think that about covers what's going on with us recently. We hope to throw some fine get-togethers next semester involving themes, tasty drinks, and strip-scrabble. See you then!