So it has come to the attention that my last contest was incredibly lame, and I do agree. So without further ado I bring you:

New Shirtless O'Clock Contest!!!
The Contest Contest

The way to win this contest is to give us an idea for a contest. The most interesting and crazy contest idea wins! And this time the winner will get his/her picture taken with, and autographed by, Borat!!! So get to it.

Contest Update
A few updates on our Internet Naming contest:

1) The contest was an utter failure, save one submission (anthony, you win, you may now be shirtless if you like)

2) I have lost all faith in you people, and by extention, in humanity itself

3) Goodbye cruel world, there is nothing left for me here

4) The next time you see me, I will be reincarnated as a kitten, an ice cream cone, or an asparagus

5) Look out for the next contest with CraAaAaAzy prizes from Shirtless O'Clock!

Shirtless O'Clock contest time!!

We here at shirtless o'clock have decided to have our first ever shirtless o'contest, and hopefully it won't fail miserably. So here's how it goes. Since Shirtless O'Clock is single handedly changing the internet, we want you to submit your own name for the the new, shirtless o'clock internet. We have already had a few on this site: Internets, interwebs, interwebnetron (you get the idea) but we're looking for bigger and better.

So submit your own suggestion, and the winner gets a free shirt, Shirtless O'Clock style (i.e. you get nothing, we don't wear shirts here, duh). So get cracking, and hopefully we can make the interwebnetron a better place.

So, shirtless o'clock is still around I see. My plot to bring about its demise, as well as that of its contributors, has certainly failed. Alas, I must move onto phase two of my plan...which is really just posting every now and then. *sad face* [or :( for the visually inclined]

So, as I explored that digital jungle which is known as the internets, I stumbled upon a horrific existance.

http://shirtlessoclock.com/

Do not avert your eyes; there exists another blog which references men who enjoy spending their time together sans shirts (ok, its really not as gay as it sounds). Now, this brings up several interesting questions. Are we peering into a parallel universe? Or is this the work of imposters?

Well, the real shirtless o'clock (us) has decided to delve into some investigative journalism, to find out what really is going on in this crazy mixed up world. Henceforth, I shall now refer to the other shirtless o'clock as bizarro o'clock (bizarro, for short) to avoid confusion.

First lets look at the dates?
Our esteemed establishment has lasted since February 2006, providing a great service to...hmm...no one in particular really. But that's beside the point, my source tells me that bizarro o'clock has existed since January 2006. So this puts us in quite a situation. We most certainly are not copycats, and they were were formed a good month before us. So this rules out the proposition that the bizarros are copycats, right?

wrong

Time travel. Quite a simple ruse, but so very deceptive. It works two fold, they cement their own existence in the internet hall of fame, and bring doubt upon our own. Good move, bastards, but not good enough. Time travel. Is this crazy talk?

No, it isn't...really. We asked leading scientist and time traveller, Doc Brown. Here's what he told shirtless o'clock.

Doc Brown: "Hey. What the hell is going on? What the f*ck are you doing in my home?"
Veenz: "Listen, Doc. We need to know. Is time travel viable? Can it actually happen?"
Doc Brown: "Jesus f*cking christ. How many times must I deal with you tools. I'm Christopher Lloyd, jackass. Christopher Lloyd. Doc Brown is a character, I'm a f*cking actor."

...

Veenz: "Sooo...time travel? Doc, what's the word on it?"
Doc Brown: "Ok, get out."

Important words. Important words. Time travel has indeed warped the mind of such a great scientist. He now believes he is a "Christopher Lloyd." But we have our answer: time travel, very real.

But, shirtless o'clock didn't stop there. Our researchers scoured the bizarro website for any clues. Using mad haxxor methods, computrons, and cats with lazer eyes, they have unearthed some interesting information, specifically, this post:

----------------------------------

Where is Biff now?

here!

Written by Fishbulb
----------------------------------

Now everyone should know that Biff is the hooligan in the autobiographical story of Marty McFly, "Back to the Future;" whom also happens to have time travel experience. Shirtless o'clock tried contacting Biff on several occasions, however, we have unfortunately found nothing. Recently a police report has been filed for the search of Mr. Biff Tannen. Hopefully he will be found soon, and we give our condolences to the young man's family. Shirtless o'clock has danced around the possibility that Mr. Tannen is currently a hostage of bizarro o'clock, at the very least, their post suggests that they know the whereabouts of Mr. Tannen.

Part two of this investigative report, will cover the content of their website. Its dirty work, but somebody has to do it. Lastly, a word to bizarro o'clock.

We're onto you. We're watching.

Since I think that people are actually reading this again, I think I may try and update more often. It's the least I can do to give you a better way to waste your time (leave some comments too, it's like extra motivation. Just say hi or something).

Movie Preview Continued!!!

Coming this holiday season!

Pac Man the Movie

W-S productions throw their hat into the video game movie arena, a la Uwe Boll (look it up on www.imdb.com) by taking a popular video game with no story, and arbitrarily attaching it to a mediocre movie with a low budget. The story begins when a boy named Patrick loses his parents in a freak killer aardvark attack. Forced onto the streets, he fends for himself until he meets a lovable bum with Tourretes named Mr. Bojangles. Hillarity ensues when Patrick and Mr. Bojangles find themselves opening up a school for inter city kids who need a radical new teacher to show them that they can do anything if they just put their mind to it. Mr. Bojangles also teaches them the true meaning of Christmas. Things go well for them until one day Patrick finds an old arcade game in the basement of the school which opens up a portal to another dimension, where he has to fight off a race of alien zombies with plans of world domination! Over 30 minutes of actual scenes from the video game are seamlessly integrated into the movie so that you will barely even be able to tell when you're seeing footage from the movie and when you're seeing scences from a 20 year old video game!

Will Patrick be able to finish all 35 levels in time to save the Earth? Will he ever be able to love again after his girlfriend betrays him to the alien zombies? And will Mr. Bojangles ever be able to lead a normal life without accidentally cursing off every one of his friends? With a surprising twist ending, Pac Man the Movie is sure to be the movie event of this holiday season!

To maintain the secret twist ending, this movie is not going to be screened for critics

I'm back at the computer lab, and it's been a... weekend of many happenings, and I have many studies to be doing for tomorrow, etc, so I'll do what I do best, pretend that nothing else is happening, and write some stuff on the internets that has nothing to do with anything...

We're back

I am proud to announce that the formerly defunct Wasserman-Selvarajah Pictures (of Penis in the Mouth: A Tale of Alex Savvides fame) is now re-opened and back to making quality pictures. Just in case you haven't been keeping up to date after striking it big with Penis in the Mouth, W-S Pictures invested a lot of money in the mega-budget disaster I Heart Muff Cake: Another Tale of Alex Savvides, and the studio took a big hit. (The rest of the money was spent on Thai Hookers, Mini-Cocktail Umbrellas, and Reeses Pieces) The studio was bankrupt, and had to close for a year. But they finally found an investor willing to put up some capital (their parents), and now they have a new crop of movies that will hit theatres soon.

Here's A Preview:

Coming Fall 2006
A Day of Signicant Significance
The first art picture from W-S Pictures, A Day of Signicant Significance focuses on the life of an abandoned cup of coffee. Shot in black and white, the movie starts with an close up of a cup from a low angle, and then gradually rotates around it over the course of three hours to show the passing time of day. A movie so powerful, that you will feel for that cup of coffee, feel its loneliness, it's heartache, and eventually it's dramatic demise as it goes from a vibrant, hot cup of coffee to a cold, dead pool of lost potential. In the heart wrenching climax the cup is finally put to rest after it is tipped over by a passerby, and then thrown in the garbage. Here's what some critics have said:

"At first I thought I was watching an advertisement for coffee, then I thought I was watching a security camera feed from outside a Starbucks. Then I thought someone was playing a prank on me. But after watching that poor cup for over 3 hours, I really started to feel something, and I can only guess that the burning inside my skull was coming from the intense feeling of sadness I had over that poor coffee's tragic demise. Thumbs Up"

-The guy from Siskel and Ebert who used to be fat (the one who's not dead) (I forget which one)

"I approve of this movie and/or prouduct"

-Joel Seigel

"I would most definitely pay money to see this movie, wouldn't you Dan?" "Yeah, sure I would"

-Not Vinoo Selvarajah or Dan Wasserman

Now that Ravi has offended (see below) all of our African American readers (hey, it could happen someday), I will first apologize, and then continue with what most likely will become a weekly graveyard-shift-at-ARC post, and fullfil my promise to you to keep updating and keep this blog chugging along like the little Engine-that-could that it is. Um, read, look, enjoy:

My Trip to New York by Danny Wasserman (first grader)

Last night me and Lauren took a trip to New York to see the big buildings and lights and stuff, and we saw some really cool other things too. Well firstly I had to take the train, which was a whole lot of fun. Wheeeeee!! When I got off the train, I saw Lauren, who did the same job at Aircast that I do at the Computer Lab, make sure that the internet is still there. Anyways, we got on a Path train that smelled a lot like pee-pee, (some of the poeple on the train must have needed their diapers changed), and went zooming up to the city. I think we passed by a garbage dump, but when I asked Lauren she said it was just North Jersey.

We got to the city and went to Irving Plaza, where we were going to see some bands. I was so excited! We were on the guest list so we got in for free. The first band was "Say Hi to Your Mom", which I guess they picked as their name so that they would always remember to do that, I know I remembered the next day. The show was good, but I don't know if anyone in the crowd was really listening to the bands. They were looking at them, but most were just nodding their heads at someone. I guess they were agreeing with the words in the songs, but I wasn't really sure. When the show finished we went to get hot dogs at Gray's Papaya. They were really yummy. Lauren had to go pee-pee, and she went into one of the doors in Grays. I didn't think it was a bathroom but I guess it was because she came out feeling much better.

It was finally time to leave, so we got back on the Path train, and went back to Newark. I think we took too much time getting hot dogs, becasue when we got to Newark, the trains weren't running anymore :( Luckily someone was still awake and said they would come and pick us up, so we waited outside. There were lots of people getting off of path trains that passed by us, and they all smelled like my daddy when he's having his "sad time". The train must have been really bumpy, becasue a lot of the people were walking funny, kinda wobbly, like they couldn't stand up straight, and they looked kinda sick. We waited with these two nice guys, T-Bone and J-Dog, and they were kinda silly. They kept calling this other guy who was wearing a yellow shirt "mustard shirt" and making jokes about eating hot dogs. There was another man who also smelled funny, and he was standing kinda near us. He was scary looking, and he asked us what we were doing. We said we were ok. I think he liked me becasue he kept on staring at me, but it wasn't a happy look, it was kinda making me uncomfortable. I was glad when someone finally came up to pick us up. We whent home and when we got back we all had sleepy brownies, and went to bed after a long, and fun day. Hooray!