And Now for a Joke (from Wondershowzen)

The pope, a bear, a rabbi, a pirate, a diplomat, a midget, a woman in a coma, a pelican, and your mom were all relaxing on an Eames chair after a furious fortnight of group hate sex when there was a sound knock at the door. "Knock knock" went the sound emanating from the door.
Simulataneosly, and without missing a beat, an answer broke like desperate yowl from the throats of the oglers: "Who's there?"
Like a shot from the butt gun of a pre-radicalized 1920's anarchist came a response from beyond the door. "Banana."
Faster than a duck could rape a lizard in the mouth, our motley crew of freakazoids, safely ensconced in the luxury of their designer seatlery, shook their heads and bleated as a unit, "Orange you glad we've already heard this joke and so shant be participating (unless of course you are offering substantial financial remuneration)" There was no reply from the other side of the door save this. One absolute rascal of a fart.

People Don't Read Good

One thing I have learned from these posts and this blog is that people don't like to read stuff. As it is, if you are looking at this right now, you're probably very tempted to just look a bit lower on the page at the pictures, and skip all this pointless text. Well, go ahead, I'm not going to stop you, but if you keep reading you'll learn something that could change your life instantly! Oh, who am I kidding, here's a picture of a puppy.

So effective

So I have your attention now, right? Of course, because according to this graph, there is a correlation between the number of pictures in Shirtless O'Clock posts and the average time a reader enjoys each post (in milliseconds).

Graphs are never wrong. Never

So now to the point of this post. A shocking announcement was made today that sent ripples through the Rutgers community, and caused riots on the Livingston campus that claimed the lives of 934 students. Akon will no longer be playing at Rutgers fest!! Instead of the brilliant musical stylings of whatever genre of music he is, we get the crapfest that is Genuine. I hope you will all join me at a protest this Saturday, where we will set the Brower Dining Hall on fire again, as we dance and chant "The roof. The roof. The roof is on fire! We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn!" Good times will be had by all.

We will all miss you Akon



Or wait, maybe this is Akon



No? Oh well then, never mind

One last thing before I'm finished here. I was looking at the news today, when I noticed something. The Pope is a really evil looking guy.


I mean, he could easily be the head zombie in House of the Dead 2, and he's definitely a dead ringer of the emperor from Star Wars. Oy Vey! Hopefully no one who reads this is really religious and gets offended, but hey, I have the power to put whatever I want on this page. I can do whatever I want and put my favorite things in the world on here, like this:


Ha, I bet you were expecting Natalie Portman or something,
but look at how cute this puffin is

Or this:

Two Kristen Kreuk's from Smallville need twice the love

Ok, now I'm done. Oh, and for a limited time only, the first 15 people to make a comment on this post will get a free piece of Matzah. So get commenting!

Confessions of a Dangerous Dan
aka I think I have a problem with stealing other people's titles

I am seriously lacking an outlet for my nonsensical ramblings, having no writing class this semester, so this blog is the only thing I have. Others may get their kicks from killing consversations with a single awkward phrase, and still others by humping everyone in sight (not to mention names), but I need to put words onto a (web)page to be happy. So here's some stuff. Seriously. Read it. It's down there. Why are you even still reading this...

Passover is upon us, and as I was opening up my third box of matzah in three days, I began to wonder, Why do I keep kosher for passover? You know, other than that whole religion thing. Well I came up with a few reasons that I think will convince even the least religious person that eating bread during passover is kinda bad.

1) The Atkins diet is making a comeback.
Seriously, you can afford to lose a few pounds, I mean, look at you, you really let yourself go this year. Trust me, Atkins is the way to go. Just ask Dr. Atkins. Oh yeah, I forgot that he died. Well, at least I can be happy knowing that his high fat, high cholesterol, low whole grain diet had nothing to do with his heart attack.

2) You can look down on others.
Are you realy going to eat that Ham and cheese sadwich? Really? Well, I've given up bread for 8 days! Yeah, that's right, no grains for 8 days. So go ahead and eat away you selfish heathen, I've got a delicious matzah right here, and only the chosen people can eat it. Mmmm, dry.

3)Takes your mind off of failing grades and crippling depression.
If you have nothing good going in your life, just spend a whole week trying to find something to eat at Rutgers that's vegetarian and grain free. You'll be so tired from your frequent visits to Highland Park and from malnutrition that you won't have the energy to be depressed.

4)Death of first born.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that if you don't do all that passover stuff, and you don't smear lambs blood on your door, your first born is gonna bite the dust. Look it up people, it's in the bible.

Shirtless O'Clock has been lacking the last couple of weeks, so I decided that I will single handedly lift up this blog, like a ball of proverbial dough, throw it up into the proverbial air, put it into the proverbial pizza oven, and make it into a proverbial delicious pizza with proverbial pepperoni and meatballs and stuff. While we all like to listen to Ravi's nonsensical ramblings on the philosophical significance of marmalade on the history of the Roman Empire, I think now it's time for my trademarked (and by that I mean stolen) :

Tales of Interest (With Pictures)

So last week began with a test in Mars: The Next Frontier (just take a minute to bask in the glory of that name), but the questions weren't all What color is Mars and Why can't you beathe on Mars like the first test. No, this one asked you for the difference between the lake bed sediment collecting in alluvial fans, and the sediment in deltas. I still managed a C on the test, but I have lost respect for Merlin, let me tell you that.












My Mars professor in action

Not much happened for the rest of the week so I'll summarize it for you
1) Ravi ate more cereal and peppers
















I'm not sure actually

2) Vinoo spent 99.9% of his time in his bed

What Vinoo probably should look like (that is if he were a girl, white, and 20 years older)

3) Dan A. hung out with his harem

Dan's girls

The weekend came, and we decided to not hold another toga party so that we could actually remember what we did. I thought was a pretty crappy idea too, so we went to a frat party, and danced like a bunch of white people. Hooray.

Dance white boy, dance!

That's all for now. Leave some comments. Oh and check out Fans of Shirtless O'Clock facebook group. Shout out to Ruthie for that one :)

Today I walked into the lounge when I saw Alex and Veenz in a massive standoff involving a Supersoaker. Naturally, I wanted to help my roommate Alex. I walked up to Veenz and swiftly disarmed him with a powerful blow to the weapon-hand. Alex then took Veenz into a hold while I took aim with the cannon. I let out a pump-action burst but Veenz dodged and the stream miraculously hit Alex square in the nuts! This should never have landed, but this was not an ordinary shot. No, this stream curved around Veenz's midsection and honed in on Alex's crotchial area. I pumped the cannon once more and made everything fair with a single blast to Veenz's thigh. The two of them left to change their pants, but not before Veenz vowed to avenge this action. Then Veenz took a nap and forgot all about it.