Here's the Heading!

I don't want to hog up all the blogosphere with all of my posts, but it's late, and I can't sleep, so here goes. I was going to talk about Spider Solitaire, but then I realized that would occupy all of two uninteresting sentences. Then I was going to talk about something serious and emotional, until I remembered that it was me typing this. So, now that my always present pre-post rant is done, here's the good stuff (keep in mind, I'm pretty out of it now, so don't blame me if you don't think it's funny, but if you do, leave a comment. Don't make me beg you).

Fortune Cookies that Never Were:
Everyone knows that fortunes inside the fortune cookies nowadays suck. I think this is because they rejected all of mine, which I have divided into categories for your convenience.

The Obvious Stuff:

You will make a decision today of great/little importance, and will be happy/unhappy with the outcome.

Later today you will have to make a life and death decision where the only solution is to... Lucky numbers: 5, 25, 12, 31, 4

You will be upset when you realize that you should have gotten a better fortune than this one.

The Ominous Stuff

When you look up you will be hit by a pie with either cherry or custard filling

When you cross the street you will nearly be hit by a car, but will survive. Until you are crushed by a falling meteorite.

Your meal has a deadly poison in it. Enjoy!

The Eerily Accurate Stuff

You will be stung today by 57 bees and 21 wasps, and bitten by 2 rabid weasels

You will fall out of a fourth story window tomorrow, and will land on a truckbed full of talcum powder. You will celebrate until you realize it is actually anthrax.

Look Mike, you need to stand up right now. Head towards the window to your left. Ok, now step outside the window, and on to the ledge. Ok, now pick up the briefcase next to you. No, not that one, the other one. Ok, now you have to climb into the hot air balloon, and fly North for five miles, then West for two miles. Ok, now you have to walk 15 blocks uptown until you see a container with the US Postal symbol on it. Open the briefcase, and take out a letter, and put it in the container. Ok, thanks a lot, Mike. I'll see you on Monday. - Dan

The Random Stuff

I am getting head as I am typing this fortune cookiiiiiiiiiiiiiieee!!

Man, I really need a new job.

I'm not wearing any pants right now.